Making Tough Decisions About Teen Drinking
As I scroll through my social media feeds at 4 AM during this period of social distancing, I am struck by the amount of drinking that I see. From pictures of parents having a late night cocktail to drink recipes, from jokes about happy hour being every hour to memes about teaching our kids how to prepare drinks, we are all publicly engaging with alcohol much more often. While I totally understand the appeal of a glass of wine right now more than ever before, could we be inadvertently contributing to a generation of adults who will have a troubled relationship with alcohol?
Before social distancing, we have been careful about keeping alcohol away from children at parties. Whether you’re planning a wedding or a bar mitzvah, when there is an open bar present in the same place as teenagers, you need to think critically about teen drinking. There is no one answer for whether or not you are comfortable with underage teens drinking at your event, but there are considerations that can guide your response.
How Old Are the Teens?
Anyone under the age of 21 who is drinking is breaking the law. Venues, hotels and private caterers are keeping their eyes out at your events to make sure they are not serving any under age youth. There needs to be a separate bar for the kids and for the adults. Glynis Keith of Catering by Seasons recommends using different glassware at each bar so once they walk away with their drink, event staff can easily spot a glass in the wrong hand. When in doubt her bartenders are instructed to ask for identification.
Some parents would rather allow their 20 year old child to drink for the first time in a safe environment where they have a ride home instead of when they go to college. Some parents use this as a learning opportunity to teach their children about drinking before they head to college. As a planner, we cannot condone that.
If there are young teens consuming alcohol at your event, like 13 year old children, you or your planner should immediately speak with the bartending staff and determine how they got their hands on alcohol. At a bat mitzvah or bar mitzvah with an open bar, staff should take care when cleaning up empty or partially-finished drinks on tables to reduce the chance of teen drinking.
Should You Have an Open Bar at a Bar Mitzvah?
Have a conversation with your caterer before the event to see how they handle underage drinking if and when it occurs. Some operate by pouring drinks only for people of age but turning a blind eye to teens who may by drinking, while others strictly prohibit the consumption of alcohol by anyone without an ID. It’s good to express your wishes to your caterer before the event as well, even if you are having a cash bar.
Some families choose to have an open bar during an adult only cocktail hour and transition to wine service with dinner with a separate beverage bar for the teens. Other families elect to serve beer and wine only. Our team can guide you through your options and help you think critically about your plan to minimize the risk of teen drinking at your event.
And regardless of whether or not there will be teens at your upcoming event, remember that bars are great for putting out hand sanitizer to minimize the spread of germs. You could even get hand sanitizer from a new distillery to better go with the adult bar!
Drinking Responsibly
Whether you’re at home during the COVID-19 pandemic and filling up your grocery cart with more than just toilet paper and food or preparing for a party where there could be teen drinking, you should think critically about the message that we are sending to our kids. Wait until younger children are off to bed before uncorking and avoid mixed messaging (even if it’s funny in the moment!) like posting pictures of yourself drinking while your toddler plays. Finally, if you find that you need help for your relationship with alcohol, you should not be ashamed. Contact the National Helpline for Substance Abuse and Mental Health at 1-800-662-HELP.
We Can Help When Planning Around Teen Drinking at a Bar Mitzvah or Bat Mitzvah
Innovative Party Planners is your resource for event design and planning in Maryland, Washington, D.C., Pennsylvania and Virginia. To learn more about our event planning services and how we can help make your event one of a kind, contact us by calling (410) 998-9999.